The Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast

Note: Please note that the text below is an uncorrected transcript of the audio captured for this podcast. We pray the Lord uses these words to bless you as you seek Him!

Meredith Brock: Hi, friends. Thanks for tuning in to the Proverbs 31 Ministries Podcast where we share biblical truth for any girl in any season. I'm your host, Meredith Brock, and I am here today with my co host, Kaley Olson.

Kaley Olson: Hey, Meredith. I'm excited for our listeners to get to hear our teaching today from a Proverbs 31 staff member named Tracie Miles.

Tracie is going to share about hard transitions, but from a place of a decade of experience walking through hardships and how to make, and how to move on when you're ready. And I think that that's key, when you're ready. And so guys, this is for you if you're walking through divorce, sickness, family drama, maybe a new baby, or just like a new season of life, you will be reminded that God is in the business of taking time, and what's being worked out will be good if you were patient and trust him through the process. I'm excited for you guys to listen. But before we do that, Tracie, who you'll hear from today, is the Director of Compel Pro Writers Training at Proverbs 31, and we always like to shout out our writing program for people who are interested.

And so if that's you, head over to the link in our show notes to access our latest free writing resource.

Meredith Brock: Alright, friends. Let's dive in to today's episode. We're excited to welcome our friend, Tracie Miles, to the show today. Hi, Tracie.

Tracie Miles: Hi, Meredith.

Meredith Brock: It's so good to have you here.

Tracie Miles: Thank you.

Kaley Olson: So excited, Tracie. First recording of the year.

Meredith Brock: Mhmm.

Kaley Olson: Very excited. Well, Tracie, you are here today to share with us a teaching from your new book called God's Got You, Embracing New Beginnings with Courage and Confidence. I'm excited.

Tracie Miles: Yeah.

Kaley Olson: But for those of you who don't know, Tracie, allow us to introduce you. Tracie has been part of Proverbs 31 Ministries family for years, starting out as a speaker a speaker, a member of our devotions writer team. And about 10 years ago or so ish, you joined us on staff as the Director of Compel Pro writers training. And word on the street is, when you're not working at Proverbs or working on your latest book project when the weather is right, we could find you outside playing golf, pickleball, or tennis. And in the summer, guys, she has the best tan of all.

She's got a great tan. Very envious. But, Tracie since your new book is about new beginnings, I have a question for you. What is a new activity you have started this year?

Tracie Miles: Well, that's a easy one because the most important thing is that I just had a grandbaby. So that's my very first one.

Kaley Olson: The best new beginning.

Tracie Miles: Two weeks old, yeah, today, actually.

Kaley Olson: That's great. And that's really exciting.

Tracie Miles: And then I have another one due, my daughter-in-law, in just 3 weeks.

Kaley Olson: Oh, I forgot about that.

Meredith Brock: Goodness. So lots of new beginnings happening in your world. I love it.

Kaley Olson: Lots of diapers. Lots of drool, lots of cuteness. Yes. That's amazing. Congratulations.

Tracie Miles: Thank you.

Meredith Brokc: I love that so much. Well, Tracie, we are really looking forward to hearing from you today. So why don't you just take it away, my friend?

Tracie Miles: Awesome.

Well, thank you so much. What we're talking about today is God's got you and just this concept of transition seasons. And over the past decade, I've had to go through a lot of transition seasons. Some were not that difficult and even expected, and others were ones that just ripped out the rug from underneath me and caused my life to fall apart. And I sometimes think I might be the poster child for facing new beginnings, but in all reality, we all face new beginnings of all sorts, all throughout our lives, at every stage in life, no matter what age we are.

And I've gone through a lot of ones, like I mentioned, just in the last decade, but in most recent years, my 3 children have been growing up and not needing mom as much. I sent them all off to college and then eventually dealing with empty nest syndrome. I've hit some milestone birthdays, which I'd rather not talk about right now. Menopause, I'm still in denial about that also. And having to go back into the workforce, you know, right before joining, Proverbs 31 on staff, and then the grandbabies, both of those things happening.

But the bad thing is, if I can call it that, is that I've been doing all of these things alone, which is not how I envisioned my life and my future and this season to really be, because in May of 2015, I had just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, and there had been a lot of problems in our marriage for years, but I always just tried to hang on and forgive and keep my family together and continually praying for God to have His hands on my marriage and my husband and restoration, but things just kept getting worse, and more and more problems arose. And then in October of 2015, the day finally came when God revealed to me in a miraculous turn of events the truths about infidelity, addictions, and behaviors that had been going on for years, and my marriage just abruptly ended. And restoration was attempted, but that was just not in the cards for us. And so in my new book, God's Got You, I refer to this season as a lifequake, which was a term that God really just impressed upon my heart because it was kind of like an earthquake had hit my life.

It was just a devastating situation. It had shaken up my entire life, turned it upside down, gaping holes and cracks everywhere, leaving me stuck and paralyzed in the, what I felt like was just debris and destruction of what used to be my life. Everything seemed to be broken. And for years, I had asked God, like I said, to mend and protect my marriage, to capture my husband's heart. But as we all know, what we pray for isn't always what we get.

Not because God didn't hear my prayers or care about my needs or desires or have compassion, but in many places in the Bible, we're told that he hears our prayers. For example, Jeremiah 2912, which says, when you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. But no matter what type of hardship or circumstance we're facing, sometimes we don't get what we pray for because God's plans aren't always our plans, whether we like them or not. So we have to learn to trust that His plans are always best. And in my case, even after months, years of prayer, and just trying to think the best and attempt that reconciliation and counseling, I finally did have to accept that the marriage was not going to succeed.

That was not his plan for me, and it was time for that season to be over. And in time, I realized that I had become an enabler of my husband's unhealthy patterns of behavior. And I had been accepting the unacceptable and forgiving the unforgivable rather than following my instincts, trusting God, building the confidence to take control of my life and my future. And after a while, and after a lot of prayer and tears, God gave me a piece about it that was so confirming. And I knew in my heart of hearts that he was releasing me from remaining in a relationship that was toxic and irreparable, but that he loved me just the same.

And that was a learning process for me that God doesn't hate divorced people. He hates divorce because it hurts his people, but he never stops loving us. So like I said, I finally found that peace and just let go of the past, releasing what could no longer be, and choosing to embrace what could be with God's love and grace and protection and also just miraculous provision in so many ways. And I've learned over many years that sometimes God takes us on a journey that we didn't know we needed in order to bring us everything we didn't even know that we wanted. But like so many other women that go through this type of lifequake, I became a single woman, a single mother, a mother, a sole provider, all practically overnight.

And I found myself at a crossroads where every direction looked like, like it led to a cliff, where I felt tied to a train track and unable to move, all the while sure that something even worse was going to roll down the track soon. I felt helpless and hopeless, directionless. I was just kind of wandering around like a lost puppy in a season of hurt, confusion, and transitions that I never wanted to be in. But I knew it was time to move into the new phase that God was pulling me toward, despite having no idea how I would survive. We can either stay stuck, or we can start taking action to bring about the changes that we desire.

So that was the catapult experience that launched me to finally understanding the value and trusting in God's plans for our future, like we're told in Jeremiah 29:11, and just to embrace this new season of beginnings and new beginnings with optimism. And there's surely a lot of people that are listening right now who are facing some type of transition season, whether it's because of a lifequake or just seasons of time and new experiences, and I'm sure there are a lot whose experiences differ than mine. But regardless of our situation, we have to learn to believe that God has a plan. And if we stay grounded in our faith, we can receive peace. We can get that courage and that confidence to do the hardest of things and get through the most difficult transition seasons in life.

And even though at that time I barely knew how to handle all the circumstances of the present day when my divorce was happening, much less had the slightest inkling of how to press ahead, What I did know was that I was ready for a new beginning. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to love my life, even though it was gonna look much different than what I had hoped for and expected. I knew it was time to make a transition to my new normal, and just time to begin again. And that's where this book, God's Got You, really started, even though it came about, almost 10 years later.

But if I can be honest, can I be honest with you guys? Because I don't wanna give this impression of me just standing up in my Superwoman outfit one day with cape flowing in the air, with this posture of great confidence overflowing, and forging ahead into a new beginning with all this confidence and courage. That was certainly not me. In all honesty, even though I was ready to stop feeling stuck in unhappiness, I kind of didn't want to begin again. I bet so many listeners feel the same way, and simply because I had no idea how to start over all alone and after 25 years of marriage.

I was 46 years old at the time with 2 children in college, 1 in high school, and I was terrified at the thought of being alone and starting over and just carrying the weight of all the financial problems and being uncertain of the future, looking for a job, just my whole life in general. And that's why I said earlier, my whole life just felt like a big disaster, just like an earthquake had hit it. I was so afraid of everything and all the unknowns of the future that my fears were keeping me awake at night, and my stress level was affecting my health. And I lost about £20, which usually would be a good thing that we would celebrate. But in this case, it really wasn't a healthy loss.

And so I'm gonna confess something that may not even seem kosher on this podcast, but I was mad. I was mad at my husband. I was mad at other people who were bringing hurt into my life. I was mad at my circumstances, and I was mad at God. And I would yell at him when I was laying on my bed alone crying with questions like, God, why did you let this happen to me?

How did I get here? I don't wanna start over. What am I supposed to do with my life? How can I support myself and my family, and didn't you hear my prayers? And just admitting to him that I was terrified of every ounce of the future and all the unknowns.

I was mad at the thought of trying to start over at that stage of my life, and mad he hadn't protected my marriage, especially when it seemed like when I looked on social media, like, everybody else's marriage was just fine and dandy. Then one day, as the words starting over kept rattling through my mind yet again, my knees buckled, and I actually crumpled to the floor like a pile of dirty laundry. So apparently, I realized that those two words had been holding more power over my soul than I had really recognized before. This fear of starting over had not only caused me to overlook opportunities tied to beginning again, but had also been controlling every decision I had made for years, including some poor ones with negative impacts, and now I was forced to accept and face that fear head on. And it wasn't easy, but I knew the time had come when I had no choice but to accept the reality that beginning again was unavoidably my new story.

And maybe in an entirely different way, for the people who are listening to this podcast, they're realizing that they too are faced with starting over or beginning again in some way. And maybe they're mad. Maybe they're afraid as well. But there's also probably someone listening right now who is sitting in the middle of that debris and destruction after a lifequake has hit their life in some way, or just in any season of major transition, that they just simply don't know how to pick up the pieces and move forward. So regardless of what people are facing, whether it was expected or unexpected, traumatic, or just changing seasons of life, dealing with transitions is hard.

And at times, we do feel stuck, and we just don't know what steps to take. And it could be things like, like I mentioned earlier, like children growing up, a divorce, financial changes, a new job or a lost job, an empty nest, learning to live alone, a milestone birthday, selling a home, getting older or dealing with aging parents, or just feeling like you're starting over in any capacity is really hard. And the writing of this book, God's Got You, was kind of the culmination of a full circle journey. And just a few months before getting separated from my ex husband, I was so excited to have received a 2 book contract from my publisher. And that's one of the other things I was questioning God about at that time.

Like, why did you give me this book contract, Lord, when you knew this lifequake was going to hit? But when it came to writing and being under this book line, although feeling book deadline, rather, although feeling like my ministry was over and wondering how I could write anything that would encourage a single woman when I was feeling so broken and unworthy and incapable of writing a single word, I pushed through and just did the hard thing. And now in hindsight, I can see that he did have a plan, and part of his plan for my healing was the writing of several books that were birthed out of my divorce experience as he taught me how to begin again. And so I'm just gonna share quickly and briefly, if that's okay, what led up to this book just for history's sake, because each book was written while I walked out my difficult journey, not from a place of overcoming or healing, but a place of walking with God and learning along the way myself and what he was teaching me. And so the first of those was Unsinkable Faith, and that was based on Hebrews 6:19, which says, this hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.

And the basis of that was really learning how to transform our thinking so we could transform our life, and then letting just learning to have hope in God's plans be what keeps us afloat. And that's what I was doing at that time. My negative thinking was destroying my life and just keeping me from having that faith and learning to love the Lord and learning to trust him in all things. So as I learned, I wrote, and that's how that book came about. And then I got to the point to where, okay, I've learned so much, and now I just wanna love my life again.

I just wanna be happy. And he led me to write a book called Love Life Again, and that's based on John 10 10. The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. I was longing for joy.

I wanted to love life. I was learning that we can't change what was happening in our lives, but we can change our perspectives and learn to love the life that God has given us, even if it's not the life we wanted. And then he laid it on my heart to write a book specifically for women who were going through separation or divorce or the end of any long term relationship, because I personally needed that resource when I was in that place, and I couldn't find 1. And God has done amazing things, so I wanted to help other women find that healing and that hope as well. So that turned into writing Living Unbroken, which is reclaiming your life after divorce and separation.

And that's based on Psalm 3418, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and Isaiah 4031, which says, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. And so God had shown me that I could survive even in the worst of circumstances and life quakes, and that we can trust him with our future. And it's in his strength that we can achieve more than we ever imagined. And that book ended up having a companion workbook, which includes a Bible study. And so I know that it's helped thousands of women, and God has done great things with that.

And then most recently, what we're talking about today, we're finally here, The God's Got You. And that came about when I was doing much better than I had been doing for a number of years, and I had learned to change my thought patterns and love my life and try new things and rebuild myself and my financial standing just from the ground up. But then I find myself facing more and more transitions, many of which I've mentioned with children growing up, and I had 2 children that got married within 8 weeks of each other. And so that was difficult in itself, but then you also have all these strange dynamics with having an ex husband and ex in laws and just all of that to deal with. And I also had to sell my family home, which I had lived in for 25 years, and that was traumatic, even though it was a good thing, and there's a lot I could write a whole book about the miracles God did in that process, but just downsizing was difficult.

Just a lot of things over a period of a number of years that that God took me through. But one day, as I was reading my Bible, and I looked up Jeremiah 2911 again, because so many people say that's my life's theme verse. Like, we all love to cling to that verse. And I did as well, which says, I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

And that verse has always helped me hang on to hope during a lot of hopeless times, and it gave me a shred of comfort even when life was as uncomfortable and unfamiliar and painful as I thought it could possibly get. And I just wanted to read it again and see it in black and white and remind myself that promise does still exist. I wanted to believe in his plans. I wanted to believe they were good for me, despite all the difficult things I was facing. But this time, as I was researching and reading that chapter in Jeremiah 29, God opened my eyes in a new way, and I gained this whole new perspective that I had never noticed before about this life verse.

And it was a concept about God's plans overall. And so Jeremiah 2911 is probably, like I said, one of the most quoted verses in the Bible, one of the most loved ones that people can really relate to and know and and memorize and recite and cling to. And Christians all over the world cling to this promise of God's good plan for us, just as I did. We wear it on t shirts, we put it on coffee mugs, we, you know, hang it on our walls in our homes. And if you're listening today, you may have done that too.

And that is great. But when we're faced with hard transitions, I've just discovered that it's the context of this passage that will truly give us the hope that we need. We all long to apply this as a promise, that God has a perfect and wonderful plan for us individually, despite our circumstances. Our human hearts wanna see God's plans falling into place. And when we don't, or when it seems to be taking forever, our faith can begin to waver and our attitude can fly south.

And this is why understanding the true underlying meaning of this verse is so important. And that requires looking at the whole story, not just that one popular verse that brings us comfort and hope. So to delve into that just a little bit, Jeremiah 2911 isn't God's personal promise to us at all, assuring us that things are going to be easy, and they're going to work out just like we want them to. And I have certainly lived that out. Instead, it's really God's promise to his people, that his plans are always good, regardless of whether they personally experience them or not.

It's a promise that propels God's people to think beyond themselves, their problems, their lives, their transitions, their desires, and trust in his sovereignty no matter what. Now, I've applied this verse to little old me for many, many years in various seasons of transitions or adversity, and it's always been my promise and my hope from my God, from my Bible. I've always believed that things will be okay and everything will work out for me, because that's what this verse tells us, tells us. He promised his plans are good. However, I have come to realize that that verse is not about me.

It's about God's sovereign plans for all his people, and the Bible teaches selflessness, not a me centered faith, making it obvious we really can't make this verse all about us. So if we look at the verses before Jeremiah 29:11, we see God talking to the nation of Israel through the prophet Jeremiah's letter. His people who were in captivity in Babylon were being told that God was gonna fix all their problems and get them out of their period of captivity, but that amid their hard circumstances, they should keep the faith, and they should trust in his ways and his plans wholeheartedly. And we hear that at church every single week, no matter what. And the Israelites had been in Egypt for generations, but their population had become so numerous that pharaoh began to fear their presence, and he worried they one day would rise together and turn against the Egyptians.

So gradually and with a lot of power and manipulation, pharaoh forced them to become his slaves. So I can only assume that every single person there began asking themselves, how in the world did I get here? Like, what the heck, God? I don't deserve this, and and this wasn't in my plan. And Jeremiah 29 begins by telling us that Jeremiah wrote a letter from Jerusalem to the elders, priests, prophets, and all the people who had been exiled to Babylon by King Nebuchadnezzar, and that's in verse 1.

And he immediately shared with them a basic principle we should all cling to when we're faced with hard times: make the best of it, keep moving forward, and trust that God has a plan. So it was a universal command, not a promise to a specific individual. And these verses really stood out to me about this, and these are Jeremiah 29:4 through 7. And they say, this is what the Lord of heaven's armies, the God of Israel, says to all the captives he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem. Build homes and plan to stay.

Plant gardens and eat the food they produce. Marry and have children. Then find spouses for them so that you may have grandchildren. Multiply. Do not dwindle away, and work for the peace and prosperity of the city where I sent you into exile.

Pray to the Lord for it, for its welfare will determine your welfare. So to summarize that, Jeremiah encouraged them to make the best of where they were, even though they didn't like it. Although they were in a season of change and hardship, he wanted them to enjoy life, to give it their all, to do what they could, to make life good for all of those around them. And then notice how verse 7 ends. Pray for Babylon's well-being.

If things go well for Babylon, things will go well for you. He commanded them to pray and continue praying because those those prayers will be heard and they mattered. Now, you know, those Israelites were not happy with that news. They wanted to be free, not living as captives. They were in this chapter of life that none of us would want to experience.

But when we're in a hard season, we probably feel much like they did. We just want out of it. We want change. But that wasn't what God did for them. And then in verses 8 and 9, he told his people to beware of all the false prophets that were claiming he was going to release them soon because the truth was his plan didn't include their release for 70 more years.

Verse 10 says, this is what the Lord says, you will be in Babylon for 70 years, but then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. And you know that wasn't the good news they were hoping for. I mean, seriously, what kind of plan was that? 70 more years in captivity. So you know that a wave of disappointment had to just rage through the hearts of the Israelites like a tsunami.

This common thread of thought was surely utter hopelessness, confusion, and anger tangled up with the temptation to lose faith altogether. And I can relate to that all too well. And this is where that popular verse comes into play. I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

So God told them, they're gonna remain in captivity for quite some time. They were probably mad and upset and crying and confused and hopeless. They did not want to be there. They wanted good change, but they didn't understand God's plans. But he left them with hope in verse 14.

I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you, and I will bring you home again to your own land. His promise of rescue and restoration wasn't spoken to an individual person. He didn't say he had a specific plan for every person in that crowd, lay out a blueprint of what those plans were, and then promise that everyone would prosper immediately and live happily ever after. Instead, he spoke of the bigger picture, his sovereign plans for all his people, plans that were good in various ways for generations to come.

So he wanted to reassure them that even though their current situation was dire and things looked bleak, he was still in control. He still had them in his hands. He had big plans. Therefore, they could be at peace. They could enjoy life right where they were, but they had to accept where they were, embrace their new beginning that God had for them right where they were, and live life to the fullest until his plan started falling into place.

This passage was intended to give hope to a group of people who were struggling with understanding what God was up to during a really, really long, hard transition season. He wasn't going to change their circumstances right away, but he wanted them to change their hearts and their minds. And I think that's where we can relate most. When we struggle to understand what God's doing, or we feel discouraged about our situation or the season of life we're in, we can make a conscious choice to make the most of it and trust that God is actually up to something good. So although Jeremiah 29:11 was written for each of us, not to each of us, it's still a powerful reminder that God is always with us, and he always has a plan for our good.

I've pleaded for God to rescue me from so many uncomfortable seasons, some of which I've shared today, many of which I could still tell you about, where I have felt stuck and hopeless and just desperate for change and caught in a season of life where I didn't wanna be, and I didn't have hope, and I didn't have a belief that times would get better. Just so many changes and unknowns were looming over me, But I realize now, and this is what's really great, is that hindsight is 2020. And as I look back, I can see God's presence and intervention through every stage of transition, the ones that I enjoyed and the ones that I endured. And he was quietly leaving his fingerprints on every aspect of my life. I can see now how, although I didn't understand my suffering or what I was going through, that his plans were indeed good, not just for my benefit, but the benefit of many others through the books that he gave me to write, and the people that I interact with online, and through my friends and my family.

So all that to say that although he didn't bring me out of that hardship immediately, he didn't fix things the way that I initially wanted him to. And some of that was a really long journey. He had a plan, and his plan was to benefit me, but he also had a purpose in it that was so much greater than me, one that I couldn't see, I couldn't understand it. But the story he wrote in my life has now helped tens of thousands of people through the books. And I can help other people use their stories also for a greater good that they never thought possible.

So that's just a passion that he's given me. So our stories are never just about us, and God always has us in his hands. He's got us, and we've got him to depend on to carry us through. So I don't want anyone tossing out their Jeremiah 2911 coffee mug or their t shirt, but that verse still serves as a reminder that although we face more difficulties and crossroads than we may ever wanna experience, his promises for his people are still true. He is faithful, and he will never leave us no matter what type of transition season we're in or the changes that we're facing.

And I've just learned through my research and through writing the book God's Got You that there are 4 types of transitions that I wanna tell people about before we wrap up, and hopefully help people understand where they are. Like, what season are they in that they may not even have recognized that they're actually dealing with, and just help them accept where they are and start figuring out how to move forward so that in time, the day will come for them too that they can say, I may not be exactly where I wanna be yet, but I thank God I'm not where I used to be. And I think that's really exciting to think about, just being able to say. So this word transition can be defined as movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etcetera, to another. It simply means change.

And these 4 types, real quickly, are non event transitions, and these are things that you anticipated to change, but it doesn't happen, or it doesn't happen how you wanted it to. Sleeper transitions. These are the ones that kind of occur without much thought about them, and they just sneak up on you. But all of a sudden, you realized, hey, this has changed. What's what's going on here?

Then we have anticipated transitions. These are the ones that we expected to happen, whether we wanted them to or didn't want them to, and even those that we intentionally made happen, but they can still be hard seasons. And then we have the unanticipated transitions, and those are the situations you didn't plan for, those lifequakes, those circumstances you never envisioned as part of your story that break your heart and shake up your life just like an earthquake. And there are times when the life jumps the train track, and you feel out of control, lost with stress and fear, and when you feel like you're faced with that starting over that you never wanted. And these are the times that we really need to recognize that facing change and new seasons aren't times of starting over per se, but instead, they're seasons of new beginnings.

And that's really the key point here. And the solution to finding the courage to take a leap of faith to reinvent ourselves and embrace whatever new beginning lies ahead of us is to reckon recognize that there's a huge difference between starting over and new beginnings. Beginning again doesn't mean starting over from scratch with no foundation, knowledge, or resources, because we all possess memories. We have experiences. We've gained wisdom, and we've learned things which have brought us to where we are today.

We've developed skills and relationships. We've endured failures and disappointments and enjoyed triumphs and successes. We have a story, and we've lived many chapters of life. We all have a past, but we aren't the same people we were in the past. So we aren't starting in the same place we've ever started before.

Beginning anew in the place God has us right now. This is a place that he's held our hand and walked us to, a place he has prepared for us and prepared us for throughout our journeys. And in my book, God's Got You, this book is geared towards motivating people to reinvent themselves and their lives even after hard times and to go after their dreams or that life that they're longing for and start setting goals and action steps to make it happen instead of just wishing that it would happen. So I just wanna share 5 quick tips to close us out for how to start embracing this new beginning, how to start embracing beginning again. And number 1 is simply accept the change has occurred, and embrace it instead of resisting it.

Acceptance of change can feel unreasonable because we don't want to accept what we didn't want to happen, or we don't want to accept this new season, but it's crucial for getting through hard situations. And some people see acceptance as weakness, especially if we're being forced to accept something that we didn't wanna happen or it's a difficult circumstance. But it's really better to look at that change as coming to terms with how things are and believing God has prepared us for it. It's perfectly normal and okay to feel sad about what we're having to leave behind and what has changed, but also feel excited at the same time about what is to come. It's kind of a mind over matter.

Resisting it or refusing to accept it only prolongs our process of healing and growth and the rebuilding and reshaping of our life. The second tip is know what you can and cannot control. When a big change happens in our life, it's so important to recognize how much control we have over every situation and the factors that are within our ability to control. Understanding our role and what's within our power to change helps us keep things in perspective and maintain our sanity. Because if we continually try to control or change things we have no ability to, that peace of mind will never be present.

Negative thoughts, emotions, stress, and anxiety, that's what will run our lives. So knowing what we can and can't control is crucial. The third one is pray for that courage and that bravery to do the hard things. Most people think we have to have courage to do things that seem impossible or out of our comfort zone, and then we'll get the confidence, and we'll build our confidence, and we'll move forward. But I personally believe, like, the opposite is true.

We have to be brave knowing that God's got us, that he's on our side, and takes steps of true bravery and faith, even if we're afraid and unsure. Courage takes bravery and faith. And once we step forward, we see God holding our hand. We see those impossible things getting done or happening, and we can see how far we've grown and what we've accomplished, that's what builds our confidence, and that leads to more courage. So growth happens through courageous action, and it can't happen when we stay stuck.

So we have to stop wishing things were different and start taking action to make them different, even if we're unsure or afraid of how it's gonna turn out. Number 4, quickly accept where you are, but set realistic goals for where you wanna be. So be a visionary. If life isn't how you wanna be, set goals that align with that vision. A builder wouldn't attempt to construct a building without having a blueprint of all the actions needed to make it happen.

And in the same way, having a life plan blueprint of sorts can help us navigate these hard seasons, start building the life we wanna have, reinvent ourselves, and achieve those dreams that we might think are impossible. And if we fail to plan, then we plan to fail. So accepting where we are, but setting goals for where we want to be. And the 5th one is give yourself some time and some grace. And this is really important, and we all are gonna progress at different, at different speeds.

But as I already stated, but it's worth reiterating, change is so hard, no matter what it is. Nobody likes it. Sometimes it hurts, yet it's inevitable. So healing and overcoming and growth and transformation, that doesn't happen overnight. However, it can happen, and it will happen in time.

If we're patient with ourselves and patient with God, as he works behind the scenes to put our lives into place just as he planned, and if we believe in new beginnings. We have to have this self care in every stage of our life, and time and grace falls into that category of self care. So my book, God's Got You, it's different. It's different from all the other books because I was walking through a lot of healing in the writing of those. But this one, I really just felt of kind of a fire underneath me to encourage women to embrace that new beginning and stop pushing back against it.

Learn to love your life. It's kind of a girl get up and do that thing book. And I wanted to light a fire underneath them who needed that spark to stop feeling paralyzed and stuck and hopeless and start doing whatever it takes to make things different, accept what God has orchestrated in their life and where he has them, and start creating the life that they want to live. And to sum it up, we just need to remember that God's got us in his hands, and he has a place for this new beginning we are facing. We can accomplish whatever we set our minds to in his strength and his courage, if we have bravery, if we let Him take the rein and start building our confidence because we see Him working in our life, and just have that hope and that optimism that we can embrace this new beginning in faith.

And also to remember that every ending is actually a new beginning if we give it a fighting chance. And we trust that God's got us, and we've got this.

Kaley Olson: I love the way you ended there, Tracie. God's got us, so we've got this. It's just, I mean, it's helpful for anybody who's in a season of transition today.

But the last point that you talked about, like, the 5 tips, was give yourself time and grace. And that time part is what I wanna speak to or what I wanna give you an opportunity to speak to a little bit, because you mentioned it was 10 years from your divorce to actually writing this book. And I think we are, so tempted in today's culture to want, like, a quick fix. And I think if if we're the friend witnessing someone walk through something difficult, we are tempt we can we want to be optimistic, but a lot of times it can come across as, like, toxic optimism because you, in this season of, oh my gosh, my life has quaked, I'm left in the debris, The last thing you need is somebody who doesn't have that experience coming in and saying, pick yourself up by your bootstraps right now. So what I want you to answer, for all of our friends listening, is what do they do?

How can they help someone who is in the shattered pieces right now, who isn't quite ready to step into something new, but she's finding that she really needs grace? So is there something that somebody did for you when your life fell apart that you would tell them this is what you need to do?

Tracie Miles: Yeah. Well, I could speak to what not to do. Okay.

Kaley Olson: That's fine.

Tracie Miles: What to do. But the most important thing to do is really just be there. And especially like in cases of divorce, it's hard because people don't know what to say. They don't know how to act, or they feel like they have to take a side, or they're not sure.

They're having a couple's event, and now you're not a couple, so they're not they exclude you, and that's the worst thing you can do. Saying nothing and not being there is worse than a malicious act because you just feel forgotten and even more alone than you already are. And in any circumstance, I think it's the same situation, because if you're dealing with some type of loss, or I recently had a friend whose son just got rediagnosed with cancer, and he's 12. And I'm so heartbroken for them and just praying for them that I hardly don't know what to say, but the worst thing I can do is not say anything. You know, it's just be there for them, ask, you know, let them know I'm praying for them, and that is what really carried me through those first few months years is just an outpouring of so many of my Proverbs 31 sisters to begin with, but also other friends and family that would just send me Bible verses.

This came on my heart today, and I just wanted to share it with you, or just, I'm thinking about you today, or let's go get coffee, or, you know, you need help cleaning the house, or or simply just, how are you doing? Yeah. You know, let let's talk about the weather. You don't have to talk about yourself. So just being there for someone is really, I think, the most important thing, and not trying to map out their blueprint life for them.

Here's what I think you should do, here's what I would do, but just, you know, what's God telling you? And then support that, and give them the grace that you would want to receive yourself.

Meredith Brock: Yeah. Yeah. That's so good, Tracie.

I am honestly just amazed by your bravery, you know, and your willingness to be vulnerable with some of the most tender parts of your life, you know, I hate vulnerability. And I just am sitting here reflecting on like, this would be hard for me to share all of this so candidly, and the struggles that you have gone through, but I think the Lord is blessed by your willingness to share for the benefit of those walking through that shattered moment, you know? And so, I just wanna encourage all of our listeners right now, I'm even just sitting here reflecting on your question, Kaley, like, if you've got a friend who's going through this, you know, going through something difficult or, you are that person, I think this book that you've written is what they need. You know, they need to be reminded, yes, this is terrible. Like, yep, you know, but God's got you and you're gonna get to the other side of this.

And so I just really wanna encourage, if this message is resonating with you or you are thinking of your friend who is walking through a childhood cancer diagnosis or whatever, go pick up a copy of this book. We were carrying it here at Proverbs 31. You can go to p31bookstore.com to grab that, but it sounds like it's a really good place for people to start as they face a potentially earth shattering, moment in their lives.

Kaley Olson: For sure. And the fact that it's written by somebody who has gone through a decade of learning through it, and I think that that kinda speaks to it.

Like, it's it's not quick fix optimism right there. You know? There's there's real life experience wrapped into it. And so thank you, Tracie, for coming on the show today.

And guys, we we mentioned that Tracie is the director of Compel Pro writers Training at Proverbs 31, and wanted to shout out this fantastic writing program for anyone listening who might be interested in joining. While we keep registration closed, except for just a few times each year, there's always a resource we have available to give you a jump start on your writing goals. So you can click the link in our show notes to download today's free writing offer.

Meredith Brock: Well, that's it for today, friends. At Proverbs 31 Ministries, we believe when you know the truth and live the truth, it really does change everything.